serangan fajar

i was just about to start up my computer when i heard buzzing sound from a distant. from past experience i recognize it from a fogging machine. fogging is a mean of killing mosquitos, which effectively will also kill insects (bugs, cockroach, flies, etc). i didn't expect it to fog the kos, but when the buzzing sound approached i got panic. from my window i coud see fog came out of the next door neighbor's house. oh-oh..

the one time we had ppl fogging our house (back in jakarta) it wasn't a good experience. maybe i was sick that time so it pain doubled. it was around 10, i was sleeping in my bed and dad woke me up and took me outside the house. pooh. fog was all over the neighborhood. the fogging ppl happily fogged our house and left feeling heroic i guess. we were left with thick fog, chocking smell and later on (when the fog was cleared a couple of hours later) a dirty house with greasy floors and furniture. i couldn't just let my parents did all the cleaning, so better to offer a helping hand.

can't they have the slightest courtesy informing tenants of such programs? typical. but this time i woudn't let it happen again. i closed my door, turned off the light so they would think i'm gone, and sat on my bed. as expected, fog sipped into my room so and i couldn't breath. well, that's my cue. rushed to the bathroom and get ready to work.

so here i am, still 7.30 but already stuck in the office. ohwell, early birds get the biggest worms, right.. sluuurpppp...

who the heck is anne ahira??*)

if sending emails to millions of recipients is called spamming, what does it called putting comment in blogs?? coment spam? blog spam? whatever the term is, it sure is a pain in the neck.

that's the risk of letting anonymous comments. you know.. lempar batu sembunyi tangan. will leave it like that for the time being, but if there's bigger damage, i will need to turn this setting off .

*) yeah, anne is the hippest internet marketer. she's so hip she made a profile coverage in Kompas. well, some ppl loves u, others hate you. you can find negative accusing comments on her business. but whatever, she has nothing to do with my blog. so such spam, scam, whatever, aren't welcome.

me, South Park version

Happy Easter!

I grew up in Sunday school, I memorize the golden rule: that Jesus came to set the sinners free. I know the story inside out, I can feel all about the path of love that led to Calvary. But ask me why He loves me, and I don't know what to say. But I'll never be the same because he changed my life when He became......

Everything to me, He's more than a story, more than words of all age of history. He's the air that I breathe, the water I thirst for, and the ground beneath my feet, He's everything to me.

Believing in a certain times, more and more I found I'm aware of just how fragile life can be. I wanna tell the world I've found, a love that turns my life around, they need to know that they can taste and see. Everyday I pray just to give my heart away. I wanna live for Jesus, so that someone else can see that.....

[Avalon - Everything to me.]

abstract training - part 2

Thought the questioner was all.. wrong. As soon as it was faxed another form came in. This time 6 (only gets longer) pages. Agreement in confidentiality and copyright, the weird part: statement that verifies whether one is going through mental therapy and/or under prescription.

Whoa! This is getting interesting, if not weird. Sure am curious of what this fuss is all about and why they need such statement, also another form that should be signed by one’s therapist (shrink), where the patient is emotionally and mentally fit to participate. Hmmm.. I don’t feel comfortable (excerpted from the form:) sharing, evaluate, let alone discuss my life’s problems with a bunch of strangers. Will watch how this goes, guess it’s ok as long as I don’t end up spending 5 days talking and listening to a bunch of nutties..

abstract training

In the following areas, what are the main goals of you life? Why? Be specific.
- Work/career
- Family
- Relationship with other people
- Finance
- Health
- Social

What aspects go well in your life? Be specific.

What aspects in your life which you wish to differ? How? Be specific.

How can you be more effective in:
- Work/career
- Family
- Relationship with other people
- Finance
- Health
- Social

What qualities do you wish to develop? (Such as leadership, self confidence, motivation, discipline, risk taking, openness, etc).

I can’t remember the last time faced with such questions. These are questions I’ve dealt with a lot of times ages ago and hoping not to be a snooty, it’s just obsolete. Basi. It’s rather annoying because I “have to” answer them. The company got this funny rule where all managerial staff have to attend a training conducted by Asia Works.

I have no idea what this training is all about. I know I heard funny stories about it (tho my boss insisted they are good stories). The Moslems think it’s Christianizing, on the other the Christians warn me to be careful of their new age theories.

A week ago I had a long conversation with one of AW staff, requiring why I didn’t state my expectations in joining the course. I could answer bluntly that I don’t care about what they teach, so I don’t care if I don’t get anything at all. Of course for my boss’ and company’s sake I had to be more diplomatic. I clearly stated I’ve no idea what the course is (would be easier if I attend work-related course such as provided by PPM which has clear objectives). She insisted to get something from me, I insisted to keep it blank. Nicely I presented the advantage of it remain blank, coz therefore I can’t demand anything if the course turn to be a waste of time and money. Sure is an advantage for AW, agree?

After several phone calls reminding me to fill in the questionairre I finally answered it just so they would stop calling me. Partly curious, partly doubtful. Will let you know how it goes. My schedule’s end of month. Keep in touch! ;) In the meantime, if you got info on the course, just let me know. Even if it turn out to be a poop, at least I got free round trip home hehehe..

Ok, gtg. Need to fax this out. TTFN!

time to move?

Sure is a big torture staying in on a HOT SUNNY weekend like this. Drank a lot, had ice cream, tried anything to cool the heat. Water bag.

Went driving for 3 hours. Partly just to past time, also browsed some areas hoping to find a house or another kos to live in. The place where I currently stay is ok, but got this fun idea of moving to a different area every 3-4 months. The idea seems to work very well with my current condition, me being single and have no dependant. Even my dad presented a more tempting (wild) idea, get a bigger car (maybe like the new Suzuki APV and treat it as a house). Far out. Got lots to consider if I’m going to realize that, so will put that on hold, if not completely discard it.

Been thinking about renting a house, which allows me more space, but also means bigger responsibility and commitment (don’t think the owner would agree on a three month rent). But if everything is right (the place, condition size, and the price) I’m willing to assume that burden.

It’s a bit tough to get a decent house with at least 2 bedrooms. It’s definitely not going to be of a Balinese architecture. Been to many of Balinese houses, the architecture just doesn’t make sense. Usually it’s built in a compound. There’s the main house, a wantilan (an open air multipurpose room) and small rooms for the children’s family. Then for whatever reason they built the house high above the ground, around 50-70 cm. If it’s located in an area that got flooded during rainy season that will be understandable, but what’s the need when it’s located on a hill? I’m not an architect, but I can tell a nice and functional house from a traditional trying to be modern houses which ended up with no taste at all. Then there’s the parking space which is rather rare. They could set up a nice gate with expensive paras (stone), with a small entrance that only people and a motorcycle could pass. Another tricky attribute is the pura in front of the house, which I prefer not to be there, or at least not to be prayed on during renting period.

Guess it seemed to be a useless search. Found a reasonable house which has all what I look for (padi field view, parking space and no pura), the owner doesn’t leave a phone number for me to contact. Arrggghhh. So the search continues..

Hmm.. maybe I could put up an ad, let the home owners contact me...

“All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time …”

On his eighty-third birthday, Eddie, a lonely war veteran, dies in a tragic accident trying to save a little girl from a falling cart. With his final breath, he feels two small hands in his – and then nothing. He is awakens in the afterlife, where he learns that heaven is not a lush Garden of Eden but a place where your earthly life is explained to you by five people who were in it. These people may have been loved ones or distant strangers. Yet each of them changed your path for ever.

Been eyeing this book, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, for several months, and finally got a hold of one copy in a bookstore when I went pulkam (read: Jakarta) a week ago. Finished it in no time and completely agree that it does deserve to be on the top list of most bought and read books in US.

The author, Mitch Albom didn’t describe much about heaven itself, which wasn’t the main reason why I bought the book. It tells more about life. Putting aside of what heaven is according to any religion, I found the notion presented of heaven was more appealing than those described in “Heaven is so Real”.

Sure it seems nice to imagine heaven as a place where you live in a grande mansion, dress in finest silk, walk on street of gold. But then what?

Albom didn’t approach heaven from any religious concept (at least I didn't think so), eloquently he wrote how heaven is what you have in your head. He might be wrong, but I somehow agree. That’s why I don’t want to spend too much time imagining, cuz I’m sure it will be something beyond my limited imagination. It’s something majestic. What’s more important is that for me heaven would be a place where ALL of your questions will be answered. Simply anything. About life, love, suffering, the endless whys, and of course about God Himself. It doesn’t matter whether it will be explained by 5 people, or 100 people, but even if it’s only God who will explain it, we sure deserve to know.

ps. Imported books are relatively expensive, thx to darn customs. But this one worth every penny I spent.

pps. if you decided to read, just skip the teaser on his other book, “Tuesdays with Morrie”. I knew I should’ve skipped it, but he’s such a fine writer I couldn’t help it. Now I’ve to get that other book and finished where I was left hanging. :p

Age that matters...

To my beloved friends: Smug Married Lady and Ms. 647 TOEFL Score:

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y !!!

May life will be sweet, as sweet as cotton candy
.... & may all your wishes come true..

"If you would be rich, you will be rich; if you would be good, you will be good; if you would be learned, you will be learned. But wish for one thing exclusively, and don't at the same time wish for a hundred other incompatible things just as strongly." -- William James

ps. Please don’t blow that candles together ok, combined the two, the candles would cost more than the cake.

early morning - Mambal

BLANK

Totally blank.

I'm not sure what's going on exactly in my head, let alone in my heart. Got this hollow feeling. What's more bothering is I can't figure out the reason. I know not because coming back to the office. I know I had enough time vacationing and had good time too. So why??

Why
WHy
WHY

Ohwell, think I'll just start working. I've observed this at least. Eventhough there's no answer (and may never find out), I'll just function as usual. Maybe the feeling will go... Eventually.

ps. made a change in setting in my blog. Now you could enter comment without having to sign up as member. Good nus eh? :p

early morning - Jakarta

05:00am w.i.b.

I passed the portal and started to run. The spacious gas station were already busy. Northward. Along the left side in front of what will be small stores on daylights were group of men dealing newspaper. Distributors and street vendors started their transaction of the day. This is one place where you can get any kind of local newspapers, magazines and tabloids. Early birds.

Street sweepers dressed in a shady color overall, funny looking hat and masker to protect him or her when breathing (the effectiveness of it is rather questionable). It’s never the same sweeper (yes, you can’t see their faces, but you’ll notice from the body posture), even sometimes you could hardly tell whether it’s a he or a she.

Fellow joggers were seen running circling the small garden across a big hotel. It’s a nice garden, not to be stepped on or walked around tho.

An older lady walked and to my surprise stopped me and asked for direction. It’s funny how you’ve passed this street for like all of your life but you don’t know every single building along it. After a while I pointed out the building she was looking for and continued. Continued my jog also continued identifying the other buildings I never really paid attention to.

Left the main street. People start getting busy for the day, either going for work or cleaning the house. Passed an MCK (mandi, cuci, kakus = public toilet), a woman was arguing with a man who I think was the caretaker about how she didn’t get enough water the day before).

In my neighborhood most houses don’t have parking space, so they just line up their cars along the street. Parking car(s) is dog’s (and also men’s) favorite spot to pee. Sorry, am not identifying both, it’s just a fact I see all the time. Well dogs do that to mark their teritory, but men?? Maybe they couldn’t hold it until they could locate a public toilet. Or simply marking their teritory also (lol)?? Well this guy I spotted standing legs wide apart sure did it for strange reason coz the public toilet was only 10 m away. But then what I thought as a natural call activity was actually a more perverted bustle. Geeee.... can’t he do it somewhere private? Still running I blurted “WHOIII”.

There’s this cheap motel where if you pass early Saturday or Sunday mornings you could see men and women getting out (the women were local, and the men are either arabic or african). It’s one of those hotel mesum. Even the guard there, a middle aged arabic man who always hang out around the small parking space and street, look perverted himself. Too often I saw him teasing and flirting in the cheapest way with any women that passed through the hotel. Pretty disgusting for an old man. Kambing bandot (old goat). Especially passing this hotel, I never walk. Keep that speedy run.

Back in my street, a dozens of mikrolets are getting ready to roll. By 8:00 am, the street will be cleared from cars.

It’s just one of those jogging days. Sure is more interesting than running along the paddy fields hehee... You could see how this big city wake up, stretch, getting ready for a new day. You get to see real people. The street vendors sleeping with his mouth open beside his small stall, an old man sleeping peacefully in the bus shelter, women of leisure got dropped off from nice sedans, vendors with huge pile of merchandise fighting his way into a bajaj and sacrifice himself just sitting on the bajaj window. Big city, big family, and for some of us, it’s a big struggle.

Disclaimer: I identify the arabic faces, not generalizing all Arabs.

j o u r n a l i n g

Haven’t been journaling for some time. The journaling according to the below article. Keeping this blog up takes time already, don’t have that much to keep another journal. Some days are same ol’ same ol’, no interesting details to record, other days went bleak I prefer to just forget about it and carry on.

The Top 10 Miraculous Benefits of Keeping a Personal Journal

In earlier generations it was common to keep a diary or personal journal. Today few people do it, and very few recognize the value and astonishing power of keeping a journal. If you can read and write, you have access to the most amazing source of personal power and magic! Try it for 30 days and watch it dramatically alter your life! Clients periodically tell me they couldn't possibly find the time. I ask them to try it for 30 days. Then clients often tell me they couldn't possibly live without the power of their journals. The following are my top ten reasons to keep a journal.

1. A journal will clarify your goals.
As you write a few thoughts each day, your ideas about what is important, what is worthy of your life and your time will become much clearer. You'll automatically discover what you really want in life.

2. A journal will simplify your life.
Spending as little as 10 minutes with pen and paper describing your values, noting your achievements and giving thanks for the joys of life, will make you less tolerant of life's distractions. Things become much simpler when you write them down.

3. A journal will strengthen your relationships.
It will give you time and the words to express your feelings, it will help you understand and be patient with your loved one's peccadilloes, and it will teach you to love more powerfully.

4. A journal will make you more attractive.
Socrates said, "Know thyself." Keeping a journal will help you know yourself and express yourself more clearly, and that is amazingly attractive!

5. A journal will empower you.
Thinking with pen and paper forces you to eliminate fuzzy or confusing images and "laser" in on precisely the right word, the most powerful image to express yourself. Keeping a journal will make you a better communicator, and that can make you rich!

6. A journal will eliminate temptation.
Some ideas sound great in our imagination, but when written on paper they just aren't the same! It's easy to blurt out "I hate my job!", but writing about what it means to quit, change careers and start over will quickly result in one of two things: The temptation will go away, or you'll start generating actual plans to make your life better. Either way, you win!

7. A journal affirms the reality of your life.
Writing about life adds meaning and power. Journal your child's first steps or first tooth, starting school, her first date and high school graduation adds substance to these things. A friend of mine just became a grandfather for the first time and gave his son, the proud father, a fat 3-ring binder of notes he'd written as he'd watched his baby boy grow 25 years ago. Together they cried and laughed at the reality that life is a sacred, wonderful thing.

8. A journal helps you be quiet.
Journaling has been called a form of meditation. It has a similar power to quiet the mind and focus your thoughts. It even has the power to turn off the TV! It can heal anxiety, change your breathing and make you smile. What more could you ask?

9. A journal helps you speak out.
Many of my articles, letters to the local paper, and letters to friends began as notes in my journal. A journal helps ideas become words, and it provides a nursery for words to grow into sentences and paragraphs, until finally they need a stage on which to express themselves. Sometimes that "stage" is a candle-lit dinner, other times it's a protest sign or a letter to an old friend. Whatever form it takes, many of those messages would never have been born without the safety of a journal in which to grow.

10. Finally, a journal just feels good!
Using quality paper and a fountain pen or other a beautiful instrument with just the right "heft" and feel is a wonderfully sensuous, delightful experience. It will cheer you up, reduce your stress, make you smile and add to your life. Who knows, it may even improve your sex life or make you more patient with the kids! (Well, it could!)


About the Submitter:
This piece was originally submitted by Dr Philip E. Humbert, Phd, who writes a popular FREE weekly newsletter called TIP's, with several thousand readers. To subscribe and get your own free copy (and check out lots of other free stuff, including a motivational screensaver), visit his website at: http://www.philiphumbert.com, Dr Humbert is a Psychologist, author, speaker and Professional Coach, who can be reached at Coach@philiphumbert.com, or visited on the web.

©Copyright 2000-2005 CoachVille, LLC. May be distributed if full attribution is given and copyright notice is included.
Sent from CoachVille, located at PO Box 904 - Hopatcong, NJ 07843 - USA

Nurture your whole self. Physical. Emotional. Mental. Spiritual.
What activities can you plan this week that will nurture the different parts of your whole self?

Physical: gym. I’m a gym freak. Prefer weekends, less people so less queue to use the equipment. Eat lots & lots of gummy yummy meals. Didn't have enough in Bali.
Emotional: I’m not sure.. cry???? I don’t think so. Anybody got a clue??
Mental: read a good book, watch silly movies and have big laughs
Spiritual: pray & clean up (hey, they say "kebersihan adalah bagian dari iman, remember?")

Imagine that you could have a toolbox that would help you fix or maintain your life. What would you put in it?

Well, I hope it’s a big toolbox to fit everything there. I’d stock some books I’d love to read over & over again, including a bible, chocolate bars, kleenex, lotion, ATM card, cellphone & of course a laptop to type silly blog entries.

autobiography? hmm.. very ambitious...

What is the first sentence in the story of your life? Don't think my life is that interesting to be written in a book, but for the fun of it.. let's see...

My name is Emeralda, not Esmeralda. E-m-e-r-a-l-d-a. without s, I’m not a gypsian & not latina chicka.

Hehee.. hope it’s not a sign of being narcisstic, it’s just a daily error people make that I stop correcting them (unless it’s a fatal one, like setting up an email address). So I guess if that story ever got written, I intend to correct it, once and for all. ;)

your evil twin

List 5 things that your 'evil twin' is responsible for:
- speeding
- eating too much chocolate/ice cream
- staying up late doing not much productive activities
- being antisocial
- & for PROCRASTINATING!!

It’s just comforting isn’t it, to have someone or something to blame when things went bad. As we age I guess we realize we’re to take full responsible for our actions and the consequences. “The dog ate my homework” excuse just doesn’t give away anymore.

So, here's another series of ideas I'm trying to write daily. Some thinking ideas you could use in your writing, or just ponder for a minute or two.

(^_^)

Seashell of your head

We have all heard that if you hold a seashell to your ear you will hear the ocean. If someone held your head to their ear, what might they hear?

I’m not sure coz let alone others, I don’t think I ever heard anything. More likely mixed of noises.. tick-tock-tick-tock from the clock that most of the time keeps me in a rushy movement, machine gearing up like those in a factory trying to digest things and life, also a humming sound from whatever music that’s been playing in my head.

Well, that’s why from time to time I need to talk to someone and just let me talk out loud.

arncha glad to be alive??

The Hindus are notorious to be fearful.

About a week ago when chatting with several fellow Christians, a topic was discussed on what’s considered as a phenomenon (though not natural, more like spiritual?). One time people found crucifix signs in many puras (Hindu temple). The sign appeared in big puras as well as family puras, which is considered impossible since it happened in one night, and most of them (in the pura area and the Hindu families) didn’t hear anything happen that night.

Usually I’m a bit reluctant discussing this, but a Hindu colleague brought up this subject. He confirmed the news, as it happened in the pura inside his family's compound. Another colleague stated that a the sign is a positive or good sign.

Following this the Hindus were fearful of a ‘prophesy’ saying Feb 28 was to be a dreadful day for bali. There was three possibilities: tsunami wave, earthquake or eruption of Gunung Agung. So the Hindus took more precaution by going through rituals, also put the similar sign in front of their gate using ‘sirih’, also attach pandan leaf. The owner of my place also set up this. So the Hindus believe in crucifix now?

Well, this kind of thing is always amusing. Here I am, passed over February. More things to share to them actually.

Arncha glad that I’m alive ;)